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Do more things that make you forget to check your phone
I'm spending the year dead for tax reasons
A friend told his wife "when I die, I hope to die while making love" She replied "well, at least we know your death will be quick"
never underestimate the power of stupid people in a large group.
Managing is just great prompt engineering... with a human touch.
DON'T OFFER A LECTURE TO A PERSON WHO NEEDS A HUG .
When you lose track of time, things begin to flow.
I love being single. I can be friends with so many people. And we can stay friends, because they don't have to put up with me full time. .......... :)
You know you're old when you get up in the morning and the first thing you do is make noise.
Don't hesitate. fumigate.
I want treats, cuddles,naps and exercise Basically I am a puppy
* * ** B *o * * ^ * * / \ * * * * I__ l d * * l I l I l o / \ / /Illll\ \ m / / 00 \ \ a 00 t 00 i 00 c Our imagination takes flight!!!!
Happy Earth Day Enjoy Earth while you can
A liar will get angry with you for knowing the truth
Your secrets safe with me I probably wasn't listening
MAY DO ABORTION OPPONENTS ACTUALLY EAT EGGS?
This house will never feel like home
IT'S AMAZING HOW FAST YOUR MOOD CAN CHANGE AFTER YOU STEP IN WATER WITH SOCKS ON!!
YEAH THAT'S RIGHT, SIMBA, MAKUNA MY TATAS •¿•
AFTER ALL THIS BULLSHIT WE BETTER BE IN THE NEXT BIBLE.
IF YOU'RE FEELING A SUDDEN CALM. IT'S BECAUSE I TOOK YOUR VOODOO DOLL OUT FOR A PICNIC ON A GRASSY HILL. YOU'RE WELCOME!!!
IF YOU'VE NEVER JUMPED FROM ONE COUCH TO THE OTHER TO AVOID THE LAVA YOU'VE NEVER HAD A CHILDHOOD!!
IF I'M WRONG EDUCATE ME. DON'T BELITTLE ME.
Before you fuck a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are
IF I'M WRONG EDUCATE ME. DON'T BELITTLE ME.
A friend told his wife "when I die, I hope to die while making love" She replied "well, at least we know your death will be quick"
Before this life, And after-- There is so much more.
RTL ist wie Fukushima. Die strahlen solange aus, bis alle behindert sind...
Stop blaming yourself for your failures. Learn astrology and blame the planets!
Whenever I hear someone say they did something "like a boss" I assume someone did it for them and they are merely taking credit for it.
Farts and burps were dinner conversation the other night.
one cool thing about getting older is you hear from your skeleton a lot more
IN RUHE GELASSEN WERDEN IST GUT. DURCH RUHE GELASSEN WERDEN IST BESSER.
Y'all gotta stop using all these damn filters on your pics. You go missing and the police are out there looking for Miss America instead of Bigfoot.
a breakup is actually a break down
today in order to succeed, you can't just be stupid, you should also have some French flair
Silence. I dislike the silence.
Don't hesitate. fumigate.
Aus Möwen kann man keinen Saft machen.
WHY SHOULD YOU NEVER TOUCH A COWBOY BOOT LEFT ON A FENCE?
It will never be perfect. And therein lies a form of relief.
What would it be like To trust you so much I could let you Touch me with words?
I'll just be sitting around chilling and my ear starts in with that "eeeeeee" crap
There is no more stupid or dangerous way of making desicions than to put them in the hands of those who pay no penalty if they're wrong.
Push to open If that doesn't work Pull to open If that doesn't work use the actual entrance over there--->
I'll take what I can get.
Am I supposed to say something clever here?
the ambition of some people to have a street named after them is alien to me. if anything, a pothole on the way to the cemetery should bear my name: georg's dent.
It's not illegal. It's just frowned upon. Like masturbating on an airplane.
laundry today or naked tomorrow
You look like something I draw with my left hand.
There is a big difference between a guy and a girl saying, "I went through an entire box of tissues during that movie."
Whenever I delete an app on my phone, the shaking icons make me feel like they're all panicked over who's getting axed •
My doctor asked if anyone in my family was suffering from mental illness. I said; "no, we all seem to enjoy it"
I HOPE YOUR DAY IS AS NICE AS YOUR BUTT
If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.
LISTEN TO SILENCE
With the right music, you either forget everything or you remember everything
I love waving at random people, because you know for the rest of the day they're trying to figure out who the hell you were.
If your religion is worth killing for, please start with yourself
Voices in your head - normal Listening to them - common Arguing with them - acceptable Losing the argument - BIG PROBLEM
i just burnt my tongue on some food they say the ones you love hurt you the most
THIS "NORMAL" YOU SPEAK OF DOESN'T SOUND FUN AT ALL.
Adam and Eve were the first people to agree to the Apple terms and conditions without reading them.
Sun goes down earlier for short people.
If you think the things I say out loud are bad, you should hear the things I keep to myself.
justice is a beautiful concept. unicorns too.
I wanted to write down exactly what I felt but somehow the paper stayed empty and I could not have described it any better
Build your own dreams, or someone else will hire you to build theirs.
10% of conflicts are due to differences in opinion. 90% are due to wrong tone of voice.
I like to be alone. But I would rather be alone with you.
i've fallen in love with you, but you don't exist.
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