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Do more things that
make you forget to
check your phone




I'm spending the year dead
for tax reasons


A friend told his wife "when I die, I hope to die while making love"

She replied "well, at least we know your death will be quick"
never underestimate the power of stupid people in a large group.


Managing is just great prompt engineering...

with a human touch.

DON'T OFFER A LECTURE TO A PERSON WHO NEEDS A HUG .
When you lose track of time, things begin to flow.
I love being single.
I can be friends with so many people.
And we can stay friends,
because they don't have to put up with me full time.

                                .......... :)




You know you're old
when you get up in
the morning and the
first thing you do is
make noise.





Don't hesitate.
fumigate.




I want treats, cuddles,naps
and exercise

Basically I am a puppy
*   *  **             B     *o      *
  *            ^   *   * 
             /   \         *  *  *
  *         I__ l             d   *    *
 l          I      l
            I      l        o
          /        \
        / /Illll\ \         m
      / /   00  \ \              a
              00                          t
               00               i    
                00                    c

Our imagination takes flight!!!!





Happy Earth Day



Enjoy Earth while you can





A liar will get angry with 
you for knowing the truth




Your secrets safe with me



I probably wasn't listening
MAY DO ABORTION OPPONENTS ACTUALLY EAT EGGS?
This house will never feel like home
IT'S AMAZING HOW FAST YOUR  
MOOD CAN CHANGE AFTER YOU STEP IN WATER WITH SOCKS ON!!
YEAH THAT'S RIGHT,
SIMBA,
MAKUNA MY TATAS



     •¿•
AFTER ALL THIS BULLSHIT WE BETTER BE IN THE NEXT BIBLE.
IF YOU'RE FEELING A SUDDEN CALM. IT'S BECAUSE I TOOK YOUR VOODOO DOLL OUT FOR A PICNIC ON A GRASSY HILL.          YOU'RE WELCOME!!!
IF YOU'VE NEVER JUMPED FROM ONE COUCH TO THE OTHER TO AVOID THE LAVA YOU'VE NEVER HAD A CHILDHOOD!!
IF I'M WRONG EDUCATE ME. DON'T BELITTLE ME.


Before you fuck a person,
you should first make them
use a computer with slow
internet to see who they
really are
IF I'M WRONG EDUCATE ME. DON'T BELITTLE ME.


A friend told his wife "when I die, I hope to die while making love"

She replied "well, at least we know your death will be quick"
Before this life,
And after--
There is so much more.
RTL ist wie Fukushima.

Die strahlen solange aus, 
bis alle behindert sind...
Stop blaming yourself for your failures.

Learn astrology and blame the planets!



Whenever I hear someone say they did something "like a boss" I assume someone did it for them and they are merely taking credit for it.
Farts and burps were dinner conversation the other night.
one cool thing about getting older is you hear from your skeleton a lot more
IN RUHE GELASSEN WERDEN IST GUT.

DURCH RUHE
GELASSEN WERDEN IST BESSER.
Y'all gotta stop using all these damn filters on your pics. You go missing and the police are out there looking for Miss America instead of Bigfoot.
a breakup is actually a break down

today in order to succeed, you can't just be stupid, you should also have some French flair


 Silence.

 I dislike
 the silence.





Don't hesitate.
fumigate.
Aus Möwen kann man keinen Saft machen.
WHY SHOULD YOU NEVER TOUCH A COWBOY BOOT LEFT ON A FENCE?
It will never be perfect. 

And therein lies a form of relief.
What would it be like
To trust you so much
I could let you
Touch me with words?
I'll just  be sitting around chilling and my ear starts in with that "eeeeeee" crap



There is no more stupid or dangerous way of making desicions than to put them in the hands of those who pay no penalty if they're wrong.
Push to open

If that doesn't work 
Pull to open


If that doesn't work use the actual entrance over there--->
I'll take what I can get.









 Am I supposed to say
 something clever here?
the ambition of some people to have a street named after them is alien to me. 
if anything, a pothole on the way to the cemetery should bear my name: 
georg's dent.

It's not illegal. It's just frowned upon. Like masturbating on an airplane.
laundry today 
or 
naked tomorrow
You look like something 
I draw with my left hand.
There is a big difference between a guy and a girl saying,

"I went through an entire box of tissues during that movie."
Whenever I delete an app on my phone, 
the shaking icons make me feel like they're all panicked over who's getting axed •
My doctor asked if anyone in my family was suffering from mental illness. I said; "no, we all seem to enjoy it"
I HOPE YOUR DAY IS AS NICE AS YOUR BUTT

If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.





     LISTEN TO SILENCE
With the right music, you either forget everything or you remember everything
I love waving at random people,  because you know for the rest of the day they're trying to figure out who the hell you were.

If your religion is worth killing for, please start with yourself
Voices in your head - normal

Listening to them - common

Arguing with them - acceptable

Losing the argument - BIG PROBLEM
i just burnt my tongue on some food 

they say the ones you love hurt you the most


THIS "NORMAL" YOU SPEAK OF DOESN'T SOUND FUN AT ALL.

Adam and Eve were the first people to agree to the Apple terms and conditions without reading them.
Sun goes down earlier for short people.


If you think the things I say out loud are bad, you should hear the things I keep to myself.
justice is
a beautiful concept.
unicorns too.
I wanted to write down exactly what I felt but somehow the paper stayed empty 


and I could not have described it any better
Build your own dreams, or someone else will hire you to build theirs.
10% of conflicts are due to differences in opinion. 

90% are due to wrong tone of voice.
I like to be alone. 
But I would rather be alone with you.
i've
fallen
in love
with you,

but you
don't exist.